Daycare after separation or divorce, and what a licensed centre needs from you

When parents separate, one of the smaller but real questions is what happens at daycare pick-up. This is general information about how BC family law and a licensed centre usually work together. It is not legal advice for your situation, and a family lawyer is the right person for that.

The starting point: both parents are usually still guardians

British Columbia's Family Law Act sets a default rule that applies whether or not parents were ever married. While a child's parents live together, and after they separate, each parent who lived with the child is that child's guardian. That stays true after separation unless a written agreement or a court order says a parent is not a guardian. This is stated directly in section 39 of the Act, which the Province of British Columbia's family justice website summarizes as: generally, both parents continue to be guardians after separation, and each has parenting time and parental responsibilities.

Being a guardian matters for a daycare question specifically because a guardian is the person the law recognises as responsible for a child's care and upbringing. Under section 40 of the Family Law Act, unless an agreement or order says something different, each guardian may exercise parental responsibilities in consultation with the child's other guardians. Decisions about daily care, which includes arrangements like daycare, sit inside that default.

For a family with no court order and no written agreement, the practical result is straightforward. Both parents are guardians, both can generally be involved in daycare decisions, and a centre has no reason on its own to treat one parent differently from the other. That surprises some parents who assume separation automatically changes something at the daycare door. It does not, unless a document says it does.

There is one exception worth naming plainly. A parent who never lived with the child is not automatically a guardian under the Family Law Act. They can become one through a written agreement with the other guardian, or by showing a pattern of regularly caring for the child, or through a court order. If that is your situation, it is worth confirming your own guardianship status with a family lawyer before assuming how it applies at pick-up.

What a parenting order actually is

A parenting order is a court order. The Province's family justice glossary describes it as an order made about how separated parents will continue to parent their child, which can cover parenting time, the day-to-day and major decisions each parent makes, and how those responsibilities are divided.

A parenting order is not the same as a verbal understanding, a text message, or what one parent tells the centre the arrangement is. It is a signed document from a court, and a family can also reach a similar result through a written parenting agreement between both guardians, without going to court, if they are able to agree.

The distinction matters for a centre because staff cannot verify an account of an arrangement they have not seen. "We agreed she only picks up on Fridays" is a fact a centre cannot act on, however true it may be, because there is no document behind it. A parenting order or a written agreement is something a centre can actually read, follow, and keep on file.

If a court order restricts a parent's contact with a child, removes their guardianship, or sets specific pick-up terms, that changes what a licensed centre will do. Without one, the centre continues with the default: both guardians treated the same way.

Why the centre needs the document, not the story

This follows the same logic behind every pick-up rule at a licensed centre, including the one that applies to every family regardless of their circumstances. Our post on who is allowed to pick your child up from daycare covers what the Child Care Licensing Regulation requires: written consent from a parent, kept at the facility, before a child is released to anyone other than a parent, and a written record of anyone who is not permitted access to a child.

The regulation's own definition of "parent" is broader than the everyday word. Under section 1 of the Child Care Licensing Regulation, "parent" includes the child's guardian, the person legally entitled to custody, or the person who usually has care and control of the child. That is the definition a centre works from, and it is why guardianship status under the Family Law Act connects directly to what happens at the daycare door.

A centre in this position is not making a judgment about which parent is right, and it should not be asked to. What it can do is apply the same document-based process to every family: if a court order or written agreement says something specific about pick-up, access, or decision-making, the centre needs a copy in writing, and it will follow that document exactly as written. Without a document, the default rule under the Family Law Act applies, and both guardians are treated the same.

This is also why a centre should never be asked to decide a dispute between two parents. If two parents disagree about who should be collecting a child, or whether an arrangement has changed, that is a matter for the parents to resolve through agreement, mediation, or a court, not something staff at a childcare centre are positioned to arbitrate.

Getting the paperwork right, from day one

A few practical steps make this simpler for both the family and the centre.

Bring a copy of any parenting order or written agreement as soon as it exists. Not a summary, not a description of what it says. A copy in writing, kept on file, the same way the centre keeps any other authorisation. If a later order changes the arrangement, bring the updated version too.

Tell the centre directly if a family situation changes, even before a court order exists. A centre cannot know about a separation unless someone says so, and knowing earlier lets staff ask the right questions about pick-up and communication before a situation becomes urgent.

Put people from each side of the family on the authorised pick-up list separately. A new partner, a grandparent, or a family friend each needs to be named in writing at the centre, regardless of which parent's side of the family they come from. Unless a document on file says otherwise, each guardian can generally add authorised people from their own side.

Say how you each want updates. Some separated parents are communicating well and are happy for one update to reach both of them. Others are not, and each parent wants their own conversation at their own pick-up. Either is workable. The centre just needs to know which one applies to your family, because it will not assume.

Never route a schedule change through your child. This holds for every family, and it matters more here. A five-year-old telling an educator "Daddy said Mom isn't picking me up today" is not something staff can act on, and it puts a child in the position of carrying a message about their own care between two adults. Call the centre directly.

Two pick-up lists and two sets of preferences

A licensed centre can absolutely maintain separate information for each parent. This is common and it is not complicated for the centre to manage once it is set up correctly.

That can include a separate list of people authorised to collect the child from each parent's household, separate preferred contact methods, and separate notes about scheduling. What the centre cannot do is treat one parent's private instruction as binding on the other parent's guardianship rights without a document. If one parent wants to restrict who the other parent authorises, or wants to limit the other parent's access to updates, that needs to come from a written agreement both guardians have signed, or from a court order.

Families sometimes worry that having two separate lists creates confusion or extra paperwork for the centre. In practice it works the same way any detailed family record works: names, contact preferences, and authorisations are simply attached to the correct parent, and staff refer to what is on file rather than relying on memory. This is the same discipline that governs pick-up for every family at the centre, separated or not: a written record, checked every time, rather than staff judgment applied inconsistently.

When there is genuine conflict or a safety concern

Most separations involve two parents who disagree about some things and still manage daycare pick-up without incident. A smaller number of situations involve real conflict, and it is worth naming what a centre can and cannot do in that case.

A centre is not equipped to assess whether a parent poses a risk, and it should not be asked to make that judgment informally. If there is a genuine safety concern, the appropriate step is a conversation with a family lawyer about a protection order, which under BC's Family Law Act is an order a judge can make to protect a family member where there is a risk of family violence. Once that kind of order exists and the centre has a copy, staff can act on it the same way they act on any other written instruction: consistently, and without needing to interpret anything themselves.

Short of that, the answer is almost always the same one that runs through this whole topic. Put the arrangement in writing, get it to the centre, and let the document do the work that an informal understanding cannot.

Where to get legal help, not general information

Nothing in this post is legal advice, and it should not be treated as a full account of how the Family Law Act applies to a specific family. Every family's situation is different, and small facts change what the law actually requires.

The Family Justice Centres and Justice Access Centres that the Province operates offer free help understanding parenting arrangements and guardianship, and Legal Aid BC provides free legal information and, for some families, free legal representation. A family lawyer is the right person to ask what applies to your specific circumstances, including whether you currently hold guardianship, what a proposed parenting agreement should include, and whether a court order is the right next step.

If you are also working out child care funding on one income, our post on child care supports for one income and single parent families in BC covers the provincial and federal programs that apply, separately from anything about guardianship or custody. And if you are searching for a space at the same time as sorting out a parenting arrangement, how daycare waitlists work in BC explains what to expect while you apply to more than one centre at once.

What this looks like in practice at our centre

We ask every family at enrolment for the names and details of the people authorised to collect their child, and we keep that on file the same way for every household, whichever shape the family takes. If a family situation changes after enrolment, including a separation, we ask for an updated authorisation and, where one exists, a copy of any parenting order or written agreement that affects pick-up or contact.

We do not ask families to explain their situation beyond what we need to do this correctly, and we do not take a position on an arrangement between two parents. What we need is the document, kept current, so that pick-up on an ordinary Tuesday and pick-up on a complicated one work exactly the same way: someone authorised, on the list, identified at the door.

Frequently asked questions

Can both parents pick my child up from daycare after we separate?

Usually yes, if there is no order or agreement saying otherwise. Under BC's Family Law Act, a parent who lived with the child is generally that child's guardian, and this continues after separation unless a written agreement or court order removes it. A licensed centre generally treats each guardian as entitled to collect the child and to get updates about their day, unless a document on file says something different.

What is a parenting order, in plain language?

A parenting order is a court order that sets out how separated parents will continue to raise their child, including the schedule for time with each parent and how decisions get made. The Province of British Columbia's family justice glossary describes it as an order about how the parents will continue to parent the child after separating. It is different from an informal understanding between two parents, because a court has signed it.

Does the daycare automatically know about a separation?

No. Nothing tells a centre that parents have separated unless a family says so. Tell us directly and as early as you are ready to, and give us any document that affects pick-up, drop-off, or how each of you wants to hear about the day. Without that information we continue treating both guardians the same way we always have.

What if my ex and I disagree about who should pick our child up?

A disagreement between two parents is not something a centre can resolve or referee, and staff are not positioned to judge whose account of an informal arrangement is correct. What a centre can act on is a written agreement or a court order. If there is a genuine dispute about pick-up rights, that is a conversation for a family lawyer or mediator, and the resulting document is what the centre will follow.

Do I have to give the centre a copy of our parenting order?

If the order affects who may collect your child, who may have contact with them, or how decisions about their care get made, yes. A centre cannot act on a document it has not seen, and cannot correctly apply an arrangement it has only heard about secondhand. Bring a copy, or send one, as soon as the order exists, and update it if a later order changes the arrangement.

Can one parent stop the other parent from picking up our child?

Only with a document. Removing a parent's right to collect a child, or restricting their contact, generally requires either a written agreement between both guardians or a court order. A centre cannot act on one parent's instruction alone to exclude the other parent, because both remain guardians by default until a document changes that. If there is a safety concern, that belongs in a conversation with a family lawyer about a protection order, not a verbal request at the door.

Can the daycare have two separate pick-up lists or two sets of contact preferences?

Yes. A centre can keep separate notes for each parent covering their preferred contact method, their availability, and who else is authorised to collect the child from their side of the family. Tell the centre what works for your household rather than assuming one shared list covers it, especially if you and your child's other parent are not communicating directly right now.

How does the centre share updates about my child if we live in two homes?

The same way for every family: verbal updates at pick-up, from whichever educator is there, covering how the day went. If both parents want their own update, tell the centre and ask for it to happen at each of your own pick-ups rather than through the other parent. A private meeting can be arranged at any time if a longer conversation would help either of you.

What happens if a new partner or grandparent needs to be on the pick-up list?

They need to be added the same way anyone does: named on the written authorisation kept at the centre. If parents are not communicating well, each parent can still add people to their own side of the list, provided nothing on file restricts who that parent may authorise. Our post on who is allowed to pick your child up from daycare covers how that list works day to day.

Is this centre able to give legal advice about custody or parenting time?

No. What we can tell a family is what a licensed centre needs on file and how our own process works. Anything about rights, entitlements, or what a specific situation calls for is a question for a family lawyer, a mediator, or the Family Justice Centre nearest you. The centre's role is to follow the documents you give us, not to interpret your situation.

Before you visit

Separation is hard enough without also worrying whether the daycare has the right names on file. Bring us whatever paperwork exists, tell us how each of you wants to hear about your child's day, and we will make sure the list at the door matches it. If you would like to talk this through before your child starts with us, contact us and we will go through what we need.