When the daycare does not speak your home language

A father asked me, during a tour, whether he and his wife should stop speaking Punjabi at home. Their daughter was about to start full-time care in English and someone had told him that two languages would hold her back.

The person who told him that meant well. They were also wrong, and the advice they gave carries a real cost that nobody mentions when they give it.

What the paediatric guidance actually says

Caring for Kids New to Canada, the Canadian Paediatric Society's resource for clinicians and families, is unusually direct on this point.

It states that parents should not feel pressured to speak a second language for fear that they are risking their child's language development, success in school or integration into Canadian society.

And it explains why, in terms that are practical rather than sentimental. When parents use their first language, the guidance says, they are offering the best language models to their child: they are modelling a rich, diverse vocabulary, appropriate grammatical structures and promoting easy, fluid and natural exchanges in daily activities.

Read that list again, because it is the whole argument. Rich vocabulary. Correct grammar. Easy, natural exchanges.

A parent who switches to a language they are less comfortable in loses all three at once. Their vocabulary in that language is narrower. Their sentences get simpler. And the conversation stops flowing, which matters most, because the back-and-forth is what children actually learn language from.

So the trade a family is being asked to make is this: give up a rich, fluent model in one language, in exchange for a thinner, more effortful model in a language the child is going to receive anyway from daycare, school, television, the playground and the entire country outside the front door.

The cost on the other side

There is a second half to this that is discussed even less.

The same resource notes that as the second language begins to prevail, children may lose their first language skills. It then names what that loss actually does: it can affect relationships with parents, who feel they are no longer able to communicate fully with their children, and it raises concerns about erosion of cultural identity.

This is a plain description of something a lot of families in the Tri-Cities have lived through. A child starts full-time care in English at two. By five, English is their strong language. By eight, they understand the home language but answer in English. By twelve, a grandparent and a grandchild cannot have a real conversation.

Nobody decided that. It happened one ordinary day at a time, and it is difficult to reverse once it has gone far enough.

The asymmetry is what matters for a decision. English will arrive whether or not you help it. The home language survives only if someone keeps it alive at home.

What the first weeks in a new language look like

If your child is starting care in a language they do not speak, expect a quiet stretch.

Many children go through a period where they understand steadily more while producing very little. This is a normal stage rather than a sign of distress, and it can last weeks. Comprehension is being built before speech comes out.

What helps during it:

Tell the educators the words that matter. Not a vocabulary list. The ones with urgency attached: the word your child uses for the washroom, for water, for a comfort object, for hurt, for their caregiver at home. Those four or five words prevent the worst moments of a first fortnight.

Expect tiredness. A child spending a whole day processing an unfamiliar language is working hard. More tiredness at pick-up, and possibly a rougher evening, is ordinary for the first while.

Do not treat quietness as unhappiness. A child who is quiet at the centre and talkative at home is usually doing exactly what they should be.

Our post on your child's first month at daycare, week by week covers the wider settling pattern, and our guide to the settling-in period has the detail.

When your child starts answering in English

This arrives for nearly every family, usually sooner than expected, and it is the point where home languages are most often lost.

The child understands you perfectly in your language and replies in English. English is now easier for them, and children take the easier route.

What tends to work:

Keep speaking your language, consistently. A parent who holds one language steadily gives a child a clear pattern. A parent who drifts between two gives them permission to pick.

Respond to the content, not the language. A child who is corrected on which language they used learns that talking to you involves a small inspection. A child whose point is taken seriously keeps talking.

Create genuine need. The strongest force here is a person your child loves who does not speak English. Grandparents, video calls with relatives abroad, time with extended family. A language needed for a real relationship survives; a language used only for correction does not.

Attach it to good things. Meals, jokes, bedtime stories, songs, the things a child wants to be part of. A home language that only appears when someone is being told off has a poor future.

Our post on speaking a second language at home goes further into the daily strategies, and our guide to raising a bilingual child covers the longer arc, including a chapter on maintaining a language you do not speak yourself.

On mixing languages in one sentence

Parents worry about this and it is not a problem.

Caring for Kids New to Canada describes it plainly: the child uses words from both languages in the same sentence to help replace words he does not know.

That is a child solving a communication problem with the resources available, which is a sign of competence rather than confusion. It generally sorts itself out as vocabulary fills in on both sides.

If there is also a speech or language concern

This is where bad advice does the most damage, so it is worth being exact.

Caring for Kids New to Canada states that parents should never be advised to limit their bilingual child's exposure to only one language, even when a language disorder is diagnosed.

Even then. A language difficulty is not caused by bilingualism and is not fixed by dropping a language. What dropping a language does is remove a child's connection to their family while leaving the underlying difficulty exactly where it was.

If an assessment is needed, it should account for all the languages your child uses. The American Speech-Language-Hearing Association's practice guidance on multilingual service delivery covers how this should be handled. A child assessed only in their weaker language can look impaired when they are not.

What to ask a centre before enrolling

Useful questions, whatever language your family speaks:

Which languages do the educators actually speak? Not the marketing answer, the roster answer.

Will my child's language be part of the ordinary room, or brought out as an occasional special topic? Our post on holidays and culture at a multilingual daycare explains why this difference matters more than it sounds.

What happens in the first weeks, while my child understands more than they can say?

How will you tell me about my child's day, particularly if I am more comfortable in another language myself?

What would you like from us? A centre that wants words, songs or phrases from your family is planning to use them.

What happens here

This centre runs French, Mandarin and English as separate language programmes. They are taught separately so educators can give focused, age-appropriate instruction in the selected language rather than mixing all three in one group. Parents can say which programme they prefer and the centre tries to accommodate it, subject to scheduling and availability. Each language educator speaks two or more languages.

If your home language is not one of those three, it is still welcome in the room. Educators can use words and phrases a family shares, and a child's language is treated as part of who they are rather than as something to be set aside at the door.

Before a child starts, the centre asks families about the child's daily routine, sleep and eating habits, allergies or medical needs, toileting or diapering needs, interests, comfort items, preferred language, and any developmental or emotional support they may need. Preferred language sits inside that conversation, which is where it belongs.

Updates come verbally at pick-up, and a family can ask for a private meeting at any time if a longer conversation would help.

What I told the father

That English was the one language his daughter was guaranteed to get without any effort from him.

That Punjabi was the one that depended entirely on him and his wife, and that if they stopped, it would go, probably within a few years, and probably without anybody noticing until the day it mattered.

And that the best thing he could give her linguistically was his own full, fluent, unselfconscious language, used for everything ordinary, every day.

She started that autumn. She was quiet for about three weeks, and then she was not.

Frequently asked questions

Should we switch to English at home so our child keeps up?

No. Caring for Kids New to Canada, the Canadian Paediatric Society's resource, states that parents should not feel pressured to speak a second language for fear that they are risking their child's language development, success in school or integration into Canadian society. It adds that when parents use their first language, they are offering the best language models to their child, modelling a rich, diverse vocabulary and appropriate grammatical structures.

Will my child fall behind in English if we only speak our language at home?

English arrives from the daycare day, from school, and from everything outside the front door, and children in an English-speaking environment reliably acquire it. The language at genuine risk is the home one, because home is usually the only place it is spoken. A child may go through a quiet period in a new language before they start producing it, which is a normal stage rather than a warning sign.

What is language loss and how fast does it happen?

It is the gradual weakening of a first language as a second one becomes dominant. Caring for Kids New to Canada describes children potentially losing first language skills as the second language begins to prevail, and notes the impact on relationships with parents who feel they are no longer able to communicate fully with their children, alongside concerns about erosion of cultural identity. It can happen within a few years of full-time care or school in another language.

My child answers in English when I speak our language. What do I do?

This is extremely common and worth addressing calmly rather than through pressure. Keep speaking your language consistently, and keep responding to the content of what your child says rather than to the language they said it in. Creating situations where the home language is genuinely needed, such as time with relatives who speak only that language, does more than requiring a child to repeat something in it.

Does hearing several languages confuse a young child?

No. Children distinguish between languages from very early and manage more than one without confusion. Mixing words from two languages in one sentence is a normal stage, described by Caring for Kids New to Canada as the child using words from both languages in the same sentence to help replace words he does not know. It reflects resourcefulness rather than a problem.

What if my child has a speech or language difficulty?

The advice does not change. Caring for Kids New to Canada is explicit that parents should never be advised to limit a bilingual child's exposure to only one language, even when a language disorder is diagnosed. An assessment should take account of all the languages a child uses. The American Speech-Language-Hearing Association's guidance on multilingual service delivery addresses how bilingual children should be assessed.

What should I ask a centre about our home language?

Ask which languages the educators actually speak, whether your child's language will be treated as ordinary or as a novelty, what happens in the first weeks while your child is still understanding more than they can say, and how they will tell you about your child's day. Ask also how they want you to share words, songs or phrases your child would recognise.

Does this centre offer a programme in our language?

The centre runs French, Mandarin and English as separate language programmes, so those three are taught as focused programmes. If your home language is not one of the three, that does not mean it is unwelcome in the room, and educators can use words and phrases a family shares. Parents can state which programme they prefer and the centre tries to accommodate it, subject to scheduling and availability.

How do we keep the home language going day to day?

Use it for things a child cares about rather than for instruction, since a language attached to meals, jokes, bedtime and family is much stickier than one used for corrections. Books, songs, video calls with relatives and time with extended family all help. Consistency matters more than volume, and a parent who always speaks one language gives a child a clear pattern to work with.

Which words from our language should I give the educators first?

Start with the ones that carry urgency rather than a general vocabulary list. The word your child uses for the washroom, for water or food, for their comfort object, for hurt, and the name they call their caregiver at home. Those few words prevent the worst moments of a first fortnight. Write them down phonetically so an educator who does not speak the language can say them recognisably.

Before you visit

If your family speaks a language at home that you want handled well, ask about it on a tour and judge the answer for yourself. Tours run about thirty minutes by appointment. Contact us to arrange one, or read about our language programs first.